It’s not that scary…honest!
Posted on | September 18, 2009 | 1 Comment
A while ago, I decided that is was time to get a move on. Ever since I’ve was a small boy, I’ve been hindered by a great deal of stage fright. Practicing on my own went fine. I get into that ‘zone’ where the world just becomes a blur and your hands and fingers finding their way autonomously on your instrument. A blissful experience.
Shy
However, if there was someone listening, either one person, or ten, or a hundred, whether it was my parents (and now my girlfriend) listening to me practice, or performing on high school for small audiences (120 ppl max) my hands lock up, I get very aware of my surroundings, and I’m intensely afraid of failing. Failing to play the proper notes, failing to sing the proper lyrics, failing to meet the listeners’ expectations, and at the same time, of very convinced that I would fail myself if I were in the audience. There is no difference for me between practicing and performing. If there are people present, whether they listen or not, I get afraid.
All in all, if having stage fright, or being perform shy (not in the sack, mind you) was a talent, I would rule the universe. As that is not the case, I’m forced to accept it for what it is. Unsettling, annoying, and scary.
But now for the good stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I felt like taking the problem head on, to see if we good cover some ground together. My promise to the fear was that I would listen to what it actually wanted to say (blessed with an extraordinary amount of will power, dedicated to know myself, I’ve learned that behind a lot of emotions some lesson is hidden) In return, I asked the fear not to scream so loud. I must say, it worked wonders. I decided that playing on my balcony, on the first floor of a building on the corner of a street with loads of traffic, and pedestrians, was a gap I could jump. For forty five minutes or so, I just went through my warm up routine. Picking scales, modes, and to finish it off some Sondre Lerche, Stevie Ray, and Johnny Cash songs.
Now, I know for fact that most likely, other then my neighbors, no one heard me. If you’re in a car, chances you have your audio system blaring. If you on you bicycle, most likely your wearing your ear buds to listen to your mp3 player. As a pedestrian, there is enough to see and hear around you, and with all the engines running, it’s not likely you’d hear a dude playing guitar, somewhere on a balcony. An acoustic guitar, to boot.
But all that doesn’t matter. What matters is, that if felt awkward when I started. I felt being looked at, I felt shy. But…I did not lock up. Very softly I started playing my scales and modes, and gradually I got used to being in a environment where, in theory, people other then myself, could hear me. It was a great feeling taking this baby step. I wonder where this fear of mine comes from. I wonder too, what it’s trying to teach me. I’m thrilled however, that baby steps, the first one anyway, seem to work. I’ll try playing in a park next :-) More on that in future posts!
Comments
One Response to “It’s not that scary…honest!”
Leave a Reply
Nanowrimo!
Recent Writings
Blog Categories
Pages
Archives
The Search Thing
The Rss Thing
The Twitter Thing
Flickr Feed
September 28th, 2009 @ 2:04 am
[...] I wrote in a previous post, dealing with ’stage fright’ is on the top of my list. Not that there is a list. There [...]